I’ll never forget that brunette with the bright smile and the frog she kept as her familiar. In my memory, she walks with a feminine flair only slightly offset by her limp. I really hope I see her again. I even grew a mustache so she would not recognize me too quickly. That way, I can let her know the real me and see that I am not really a dangerous klutz after all.
Beetlefest was my first festival and is probably the most magical for me. The trees were bursting with the God’s new green blessed by the kiss of the Spring Goddess next to a brook with splashing water. Someday, they will fill the big hole that was left from the flour explosion near the kitchen. Then, when the Office of Civil Preparedness certifies that there is no residual radiation, we can return to celebrate the coming of spring, and I shall return with happy thoughts of love!
I dropped out of college because I decided that despite my triple Virgo, I hated accounting and wanted to be a wandering troubadour. I loved folk music, everything I saw was expressed in C, F and G7 chords. Even my 1040 form. I even loved the neat scrintch sound when the acoustic guitar player didn’t lift his fingers high enough during a chord change. I was a hopeless addict to folk music. No, figures were not for me, so I dropped out and became a Pagan!
It was when I was at Lady Gato’s Botanica that I saw the ad for Beetlefest. It cost $35 for the weekend festival. It was a new festival and no one knew much about it. It was hosted by Hairy Mole Coven, about which little was known either. I called the number and got a twelve minute rendition of some local group singing “Burning Times” apparently at the bottom of a well. It must have been from a tape recorder near the phone because I could hear the background noise of someone burping.
I started to leave a message that I wanted a registration form, when a pleasant woman answered and said I could write on anything and sent it in. All I could find was the inner tube of a roll of toilet paper, so I carefully spread it out and wrote my letter. Soon, it was in the mail with my check and the day before the festival, I got my map to the site.
Yes! I was ready to be Pagan!
When I arrived, there was a long line in front of the registration table. When it was my turn, I was told that I had to select my community duty. I decided to help in the kitchen. I like kitchen work since there is near instantaneous gratification, especially if I can nibble as I cook. The only workshop that was scheduled for then was conducted by a Lord Bubba from a coven in Georgia that was called “The Bomb Is Still Out There”. It was about nuclear proliferation but it sounded to complicated for my bardic tastes, so I decided to do my community duty instead. Besides, I was hungry.
It was at the kitchen that I met her - the Brunette with the Bright Smile. She was even smiling as she chopped up the chicken into non-traditional pieces. A little bit of the thigh with the drumstick, some neck with the breast, the tail with the other breast, all the time smiling hugely and seductively.
I soon realized that she was smiling as she looked at me. By then, I was covered all over with ketchup that spilled when I tried to open the bottle. I quit that task because it was too hard and decided to make the batter for the chicken instead. Suddenly I saw her looking at me! I don’t think she was laughing, but it was hard to tell. I smiled back and introduced myself. Her smiled broadened and I thought she said Ribit. She sparkled as she laughed. “I have a frog in my pocket”, she explained, “He is my familiar!”. Suddenly, I felt I had to live the rest of my life with her and her bright smile! Perhaps even with her frog, but I wasn’t sure I could commit myself yet.
I was so taken with her that I wasn’t watching what I was doing. The flour I was shaking into the big wok filled to the brim and began to spill onto the lit burner. Suddenly, the smile on her face turned to alarm! “The burner is on fire!” I quickly scooped up the wok and yelled for someone to open the door. She dashed to the door and threw it open. I ran outside and dumped the flour onto the ground. That was a mistake because as soon as I did, a big cloud of flour formed and began drifting away toward a lit bar-b-que pit near where she was standing. As soon as the cloud reached the pit, it exploded with a loud ‘krump’.
The blast threw the Brunette with the Bright Smile backward against the recycle bin, dumping the coke cans. The workshop about the bomb held next door was just finishing up when the explosion rattled the building. It must have been a very exciting workshop, because everyone in the class screamed something about radiation and not looking at the flash and dove under their chairs. This I found out later, because I was trying hard to help the Brunette with the Bright Smile, who, strangely enough, was still smiling. Well, perhaps it was more a grimace, but it was hard to tell.
Suddenly, a radio crackled and as I turned to look, I lost my balance and fell on the Girl with the Grimace. That was very unfortunate because I was covered with flour and ketchup. The part of me with the ketchup landed on the girl and her attractive robe became matted with gooey red. She jumped up with a look of disgust and began to back away, limping, with growing alarm.
The radio belonged to a festival guardian who was a 60’s kind of guy. His tie-died Jimi Hendrix shirt had long since faded leaving Hendrix with a peeling face. Part of me marveled how well his shirt held up over twenty years. Sure, it was riddled with holes, but twenty years is twenty years and it seemed to hold up better than he did. Perhaps is was because he was very distraught. He said something about bomb finally having come and that he was near ground zero. He began yelling into the radio about calling ambulances and radiation teams as he began running in a random zigzag direction to avoid the radiation since the rays only go in straight lines.
I felt the need to apologize to the girl and began to walk toward her. Apparently she was not sure she wanted to be in my sphere of influence because her face turned to horror and she turned and began running with a limp, holding her frog and screaming. People saw her red splattered robe, the frog and my flour covered clothes and began to scream and run also. I ran for a few minutes, but she was faster even with the limp, so I stopped.
It wasn’t very long before the police and fire engines drove up. The Containment Team with their bright yellow radiation-resistant suits followed, each sweeping the area with radiation detectors. They were fascinating to watch but by then, the girl was not to be seen.
Not much was made of the incident in the local paper or TV. In fact, only one newspaper said anything. It was a local gossip rag made up to look like the Inquirer. It had headlines that blurted “Witches Have the Bomb!”. Apparently, one of their reporters was at the festival since there was a picture of me running after the girl with the caption “Ghost Chases Bloody Victim”. I did not bother looking at the article. It was too depressing. I lost my Brunette with the Bright Smile and I was in a slump as I returned to my mundane life.
I never again saw the girl with the smile. No one remembered her or her frog. The festival coordinator, a short guy named Harry, gave up festivals and now manages a tea room in the old part of downtown. He seemed like a nice enough guy. He was very controlled as he refunded my money and asked me to leave. The only thing that gave away his feeling was when I asked him about the girl and his jaw began to quiver. He said nothing. He was very dignified.
I really hope they have another festival. Maybe then I can find my girl with the broad smile. I am prepared. I have my moustache and I’m ready for love!
This story is fictional. Any resemblance between any of the characters or festivals in the story with those living or deceased is purely coincidental. It’s not even like our festival, the Florida Pagan Gathering. Also, non of our festival staff wear Jimi Hendrix shirts, but I do have a couple of his albums.
Biography Of Roger Paraselsu Coleman
Paraselsu is a Principal Minister of the Church of Iron Oak, ATC. He is a Third Degree Wiccan High Priest of the Aquarian Tabernacle Church Tradition and other traditions. Roger lives in Palm Bay with three unruffled cats. Roger is an electrical engineer and space equipment designer and is the holder of several patents. His interest in the magical arts and psychic development began as member of the American Society for Psychical Research in 1964. |